Intentional Dating

i know no deeper loneliness

Than trying to be with Myself.

That fully realized Self

Fully whole without me.

We go out on dates.

Cozy trips to the desert.

Intimate soaks to the tunes of Alicia.

i know the keys to play.

But i make it awkward.

Because i'm too busy focused

On other people's reactions when

They see me and Myself out.

i see Myself as quirky and offbeat

And i can't help but think

This brings unneeded attention to Myself.

But Myself is too grounded to care.

i immerse me in activities

And invite Myself along

A feint for quality time, quality memories;

However, i always lose Myself in the crowd.

i watch Myself eat in this world,

Till Myself is satisfied and full.

And i find me judging —

Seeing satiation as selfish gluttony.

me and Myself go to counseling.

i want to show up for Myself.

i listen; but i challenge Myself sometimes.

What Myself wants only exists in a vaccum.

Myself feels more distant.

i see Myself doing things i wanted to do together.

Even though i couldn't show up,

i resent Myself for being happy without me.

i make a grand gesture

The next week, month, lifetime,

Is about me getting closer to Myself.

Nothing points truer north than that.

Yet — even magnetic poles shift.

And already that conviction wavers.

Being with Myself is hard.

So i fall into being lonely with me.